It’s no secret I’ve struggled this past year. I keep thinking it’s going to get better and I’ll like it here. But the fact is, I don’t. I never will. I have to learn how to make it through these next ten years until the kids are grown and I can leave this town. Every day is a struggle and it’s tiring. Some days I actually feel like a human being and manage to get a few things done. But quite honestly most days I don’t. I simply make it through the day and dread the next.
I miss Florida every single day. I just don’t see life the same here. This isn’t my home, my real home is 1,000 miles away with a piece of my heart. I came here for my kids, thinking they would love it here and it was going to be great for them. So reality is that they are teenagers and dislike me more often then they like me. It’s stressful and I’ve never felt like a worse parent than I do now. I feel as though 3 out of my 4 kids hate me. I know ultimately they do love me, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I make mistake after mistake and I can’t seem to do anything right. It’s getting harder and harder to fight those feelings and tell myself I’m doing ok as a parent. All I can do is the best I can at this time.
I know everyone goes through these stages as a parent. Struggling with depression just gives it a twist and it’s sometimes hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s there though, I know it. I just have to make it through those “other” days. ❤️