Finding Answers

I started noticing odd things about 8 years ago. I noticed I had trouble holding spoons when I was making food and stirring it. My hand just didn’t want to hold onto it properly. I found it harder and harder to lift a pan with just one hand and flip it over into a bowl. Simple things you do daily and don’t think twice about. Over the years it has worsened and I now can’t even write with a pen or pencil for very long.

These past few months my hands and feet will go numb for no reason. I’ll be sitting at work and my leg goes numb and I find myself shaking it to try and make it feel normal. My last two fingers go numb and tingling often and it radiates up my arm. I stretch and shake them but it doesn’t help. I’m so busy at work I just keep going. I really don’t have time to even think about it. Then there’s the pressure behind my right eye and ear. And the pressure at the base of my skull that feels like it’s going to explode at any moment. But I keep going because well, what else can I do? I don’t really have a choice. I go on about my day as if everything is fine when it really isn’t. It’s harder and harder to function and my brain is in a fog more days than not. It’s scary actually.

I now have headaches almost daily and recently have the added pleasure of dizziness that comes and goes as it pleases. Oftentimes migraines where I spend an entire day in bed unable to move. When I work it takes everything out of me and I spend the entire next day in bed with a heating pad rotating from my head to my back recuperating like a 100 year old. I don’t understand why my body does these things it just does. Trust me I don’t want to feel this way. I have so many things to do. So many things I want to do. My body just won’t cooperate. And the hardest part of all of it is the fact that no one understands how I feel at all. So I act like I’m fine. But I’m not. I have so many more symptoms but it’s really here nor there. The point is it sucks!

I’ve gone to the doctor more times this year than I ever have because I’m so sick of feeling this way just praying for some answers and they are finally starting to come. I most likely have Chiari malformation where my brain is slipping into my spinal cord. I’m still waiting for more answers but it’s a relief to know what’s causing my issues. While there is no relief in sight it is good to know the cause. It has taken a long time for answers as no one seems to have take the time to listen to what I have been telling them over the years what is going on with me and it has taken this entire year to have an mri ordered 🙄. Gotta love our healthcare system! At least I have finally found the cause and can appreciate what I have while I have it.

With it being Christmas I just wish people would stop focusing on stupid gifts and what they don’t have and be grateful for what they are blessed with and help others along the way instead of always worrying about what can they want next. It sickens me what our kids are turning into. I hope my children see others and their needs and help them instead of focusing on their personal wants. This world needs more of that. I just hope some day they see and understand that for themselves ❤️❤️