For Better or Worse

I don’t know who needs to hear this but don’t get married if you don’t want to be with that person through hard times as much as the good. I married my husband because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him for better or worse. He no longer wants a part of my life. He cannot deal with sickness, depression, suicidal step children, or a youngster with ADHD. I mean I get it, it’s difficult, but most things worth it are. Life is not all roses. Find someone who will weather the storm with you, hold you down, and have your back when you don’t have your own. I deserve that too, so I’m trying to be thankful he left me now as opposed to later when my condition worsens.

December last year I was diagnosed with Chiari Malformation. I’ve known for years something was wrong. Now I have a name for it. It wasn’t until I delivered my stillborn January of last year that my symptoms became intolerable. I am dizzy most days and I can’t concentrate or remember anything. I can’t think or talk straight. And many days I am so exhausted I literally cannot get out of bed. I have doctor appointments upon doctor appointments and I hate it. I have never been to the doctor this much. And to be honest I can’t even afford it, but what choice do I have.

So I now have doctors also not supporting me and telling me my Chiari is nothing lol. I would gladly let them have my Chiari if it is nothing because it is awful and no one seems to care. You get left behind and the world goes on around you while you try your best to keep up when you can. And then your husband tells you he can’t handle it anymore and there he goes out the door. Um, ok and I guess I can just deal with it on my own. πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ

The fact is I most certainly can do this on my own. I am a very strong and capable woman. The thing is though, I chose to spend my life with him. I wanted him beside me for these moments. But you cannot make someone care and be there when they just don’t. And I don’t want him unhappy either. So it is what it is and I’ll continue my crazy so called life with people who truly care about all of me and not just the healthy, fun me. I am worthy of complete love not just when it is convenient. It doesn’t mean I’m not sad because this hurts more than anything I’ve been through. But as always, I will overcome and be better for it. ❀

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